Found cover to Mindfood magazine offputting today, I thought I’d take a look at this magazine for thinking women, after reading the cover teasers about losing weight, motherhood, great recipes and tips for perfect make up I soon realized I was not woman enough for this magazine. Is it about thinking at all? or about ‘being a woman’ more efficiently? There’s a couple of ads on tv here at the moment categorizing certain tv shows as “for guys”. I’m always the last to find about this! “This is a guys show? I better stop watching it… how embarassing”. I think my brain doesn’t know it’s place in society yet. Dumb brain. And after all my training… When I was starting high school I’d bring my gaming magazines to read at lunchtime and the other girls would say “why do read boy magazines?”. Woops. I bought a graphic novel while with a friend with the reaction “Is that for your brother?” Dangit, I keep getting this wrong! I would often point out things I liked in shops when with my Grandmother, but she would frustratedly rebuke me “You don’t want that! those are for boys!”. When I worked in retail my male workmates (some were very lazy and unattentive to their tasks) were all paid slightly more than me per hour. I could justify this with the fact they may be expected to do more heavy lifting and physical work, but no, they left that to us. So my question is this.. who killed chivalry and spared sexism? I feel I’m getting the bum end of the deal here. Before I made it blatantly obvious I was female, online people always assumed I was a male because my art often involves girls in bustiers… woops again. Oh the west..where many modern women are expected to work and also be primary home maker and parent when male partners just work. This all seems very strange to me. If you have kids, please don’t tell them what they can and can’t do or be or like with regards to gender. I’m starting to realize how many of my issues are rooted in that, especially from my grandmother reacting as if I were ferrel or defective for not living up to her standards for ‘little girls’. I love pretty things, dresses, patterns, lace, pink and purple, puppies, cute music, floral smells, making things look nice…I also like video games, kung fu movies, offensive comedies, eccentric Japanese movies, interests I supressed for many years because the embedded stigma imposed upon me when I was younger, adding to the supression that lead to my breakdown and ill health. It’s a surprising revelation to me, but ought to serve as both a warning and an encouragement. I indulge all my interests now, I refuse to live and breathe self denial as I once did. Be whoever you want, like what you like, live the life you want, for your health’s sake, if for no other reason. This was meant to be one sentence about a magazine cover. Woops again.